Porkins Destroys the Death Star

After years of cruel suggestions that Jekk Porkins ‘Hindenburged’ into the Death Star while either 1) Eating Burger and Fries 2) Trying to open Cheetos or 3) Farting so badly he destroyed his own X-Wing from the inside have been swiftly dismissed with the discovery of this incredible piece of unseen footage. Pieced together from in-flight footage, battle records and accounts from previously silenced Red Wing pilots a picture of the true heroism and glory of Porkins at the legendary battle of Yavin. Having survived the battle, Porkin’s subsequently died of a massive heart attack at the Victory Party and it appears that Rebel Leaders decided Luke Skywalker should be made the public face of the success at Yavin. How different it all could’ve been…

Our own part in the public defamation of a true hero is something we shall always deeply regret. We hope that Porkin’s family and loved ones accept our sincere apologies (including Jabba).

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God Bless America!! trailer

Loveless, jobless and possibly terminally ill, Frank has had enough of the downward spiral of America. With nothing left to lose, Frank takes his gun and decides to off the stupidest, cruelest and most repellent members of society with an unusual accomplice: 16-year-old Roxy, who shares his sense of rage and disenfranchisement. From stand-up comedian and director Bobcat Goldthwait comes a scathing and hilarious attack on all that is sacred in the United States of America. Watch out – naughty words!!

And, by way of cultural retort – here’s a film that’d likely earn the makers and cast a quick visit from the pair above. This trailer, however is a high hitter on IMDb.com so the it would appear the people have spoken. If only they’d shut up.

What’s weirdest is you never see two heads…

George Lucas Strikes Back

Many questions have been asked as to why a man with everything going his way and the greatest franchise in movie history would resort to making Howard the Duck. There is only one answer possible. The real George Lucas was taken from the streets and incarcerated for 20 years while the industry pumped out the prequels in his name. Now Lucas is pissed and has Princess Leia, Short Round and Chewie to back him up.

Darth Maul never stood a fucking chance. But incarceration was never the answer. Lucas has to be shown how it could’ve been done. By none other than William Shatner!!