Simon Pegg and Nick Frost’s Star Wars

I still remain utterly confused on how to work this website since Dan updated it. The fact that I agreed to it had nothing to do with it, there are now a sequence of buttons I have to hit and avoid otherwise I might break the website. Might take me a minute to get the hang of it.

Anyway, this is how I wish me and Dan were when no one was watching. Secretly we bicker like children (well I do, Dan remains stoical and sensible most of the time). In an astonishing lack of awareness of their new status, Frost and Pegg used the production of their first major feature film produced outside of the UK to tit about in the desert in almost the most cobbled together outfits you’ve ever seen.

I love this. It’s just the sort of thing I hope to do if we ever get to San Diego Comicon with Moon. Only Pegg and Frost’ve done it now so now we’ll just hunt Pegg and Frost.

Pegg and Frost Star Wars

George Takei intervenes in Star Wars / Star Trek Row

When two galaxies collide only one man can stop the inevitable onslaught. The two most unpredictable members of the cast of Star Wars and Star Trek started to go at each other, like a terrifying game of chicken between the Millenium Falcon and the Starship Enterprise. When William Shatner started to flex his ‘clearly visible’ muscles in calling Star Wars out, Star Wars’ super slugger Carrie Fisher came pounding in to the ring like a rogue asteroid with a love of sun chairs. Things were looking tense as these media giants began to wade in – breaking standard protocol by getting cheeky about weight right out of the Stargate. The fates of both franchises now rested on one man’s tiny shoulders…

‘Douche’ identifier and King of the Jungle, Mr G Takei stood ‘tall’ and took them to account swiftly, revealing the true threat that would’ve gone unnoticed….

Thank God for the Takei…. yet again he’s saved the day!! Further details about Shatner and that bikini were imminent. Send in the two B’s!!

Star Wars: The Star Wars That I Used to Know Music Video

Everybody loves a bit of Gotye’s ‘Somebody I Used to Know’ but here’s an alternative that George Lucas might not want to pay attention to. This great spoof uses a blend of both films and music video and speaks for a good ol’ section of the adult population that remember the first time a Star Destroyer appeared chasing a Frontier Runner in 1977.

Star Wars Goes Cyberpunk

Action figure maven Sillof has given the Galaxy Far, Far Away steampunk and Western treatments. Now, he’s tossed the cast of the original trilogy in the Cyberpunk Nineties.

In this never-was era, Luna and Link Sourcecoder wage an information war against the tentacle-caped Darth Vector with the aid of veteran hackers Hak Slicer, Cyberhacka, and utopian tech guru Zen. Seeing these figures makes me wish he built a Jabba the Hutt as the bloodthirsty CEO of a pizza delivery franchise. Explains Sillof of these groovy custom figurines:

‘This line was actually one of the first redesign idea I had almost 15 years ago, in the 99, when I first started to redesign characters. The line is intended to have a 90s scifi aesthetic. It has some elements of Cyberpunk, The Matrix, Akira, Ghost in the Shell, etc. I envisioned the movie as a struggle by a group of rebel hackers struggling to break free from the oppressive system of control by a mega technological corporation that controlled all aspects of society.’

‘I really hope Rod₂ communicates solely through Crystal Method songs, Chip³ shills Pepsi in his off hours, and the villainous Bolt Volo has a gun powered by Compuserve.

Be sure to check out these gee-whiz sculptures with further detail and back story at Sillof’s site. And for more of his nifty creations, see the Steampunk and Western Star Wars, and the steampunk Legion of Doom and Justice League.’

Star Wars: Crazy Images

It’s fair to say that Star Wars has pretty much conquered the internet and popular culture like an imperial cyber march. So much so that it’s beginning to draw in every other bit of popular culture and chewing on it. Sometimes it’s just self referential using gags that everyone gets. Sometimes it’s so thuggishly funny it has to be included (like the one below). Whatever you think – Star Wars is going nowhere. Avengers photo gags in thirty years? Who knows. It lacks the juicy soap opera of bother and sister having an unsuspecting kiss and gay robots so maybe it will never reach the heady heights that Lucas’ brain child enjoys. Never the less, here’s a selection for you…

Learn How to Fight (or not) With A Lightsaber

Now you too can learn to fight like a real Jedi with the help of this handy youtube guide. No longer need you worry about actually hitting somebody with your lightsaber, instead you can learn to dance around like a fool while waving your glowing laser sword in a picturesque fashion.

Ok, so we know most fight scenes are choreographed but it’s kinda funny to see just how silly the battle in the Phantom Menace really is when slowed right down.

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Porkins Destroys the Death Star

After years of cruel suggestions that Jekk Porkins ‘Hindenburged’ into the Death Star while either 1) Eating Burger and Fries 2) Trying to open Cheetos or 3) Farting so badly he destroyed his own X-Wing from the inside have been swiftly dismissed with the discovery of this incredible piece of unseen footage. Pieced together from in-flight footage, battle records and accounts from previously silenced Red Wing pilots a picture of the true heroism and glory of Porkins at the legendary battle of Yavin. Having survived the battle, Porkin’s subsequently died of a massive heart attack at the Victory Party and it appears that Rebel Leaders decided Luke Skywalker should be made the public face of the success at Yavin. How different it all could’ve been…

Our own part in the public defamation of a true hero is something we shall always deeply regret. We hope that Porkin’s family and loved ones accept our sincere apologies (including Jabba).

The Lost Jedi: Jedi Master Ca De Nas

Ca De Nas (Cristian Cadenas) is a master of arms for the Jedi. One of the foremost trainers of Lightsabre technique in the galaxy, Ca De Nas is based on Coruscant at the time of Order 66. A trainer of Anakin Skywalker in the years prior to the Clone Wars, Ca De Nas tried to impart the wisdom of open hand techniques in battle and introduce mercy, guile and non-fatal attacks. Anakin struggles to fight his teacher for a time, until fury takes hold. Ca De Nas instinctively held back some of the techniques taught to all Padawans at Master Yoda’s request and Obi Wan’s agreement until he had demonstrated greater control of his temper. Ca De Nas’ capacity for guile and adaptability make him a difficult opponent and a respected warrior in the Jedi ranks.

Epic Jedi Street Battle!!

… and if the post from two weeks ago (Revenge of the Jedi A-holes) ain’t sharp enough for you here’s an Epic Jedi Gang Fight on the streets of Los Angeles courtesy of Sam Macaroni via Shaycarl on Youtube. The man also responsible for this mess in a backgarden…

Lost Jedi: Jedi Master Yoda

Master Yoda’s escape from Kashyyk was going to be focussed on in more detail in Lost Jedi as he tries to make his way to the launch point with Chewie. On the far side of the planet, a contingent of Jedi are heading towards the main battle site with the intention of extraction and damage control. Yoda is aware of their presence and does what he can to aid them from his position but to no avail.