The end is nigh(ce)

Because of a couple of projects I hope to develop (with some advice from Dan and perhaps another artist) I have had to consider the end of the world and the possible causes of it. Don’t have to look far. Ladies and Gentlemen, you’ve had the uneasy comfort of the steady ride up the incline (19th, 20th Century) with the odd judder (WWI, WWII, all armed conflict, Jeremy Beadle) to the peak of the first drop (21st Century), the carriage clicking away inexorably in a steady climb towards the sky (Agricultural revolution, Industrial Revolution, Digital Revolution, Genetic Revolution, invention of the IPod) however, all evidence ( Al Gore, Volcanoes, Tsunamis, Floods, Earthquakes, mass extinctions, speedy melting of the polar ice caps, Al Gore, Goths, Emos) suggests that the clicking and clunking of the chain pulling you to the top is slowing and the clunk of the wheels coming into play on the oily track is beginning to fill your ears (a Republican admitting Global warming is happening). The car is beginning to dip and the drop begins to loom (Gas Fissures appearing from under permafrost, increased religious fundamentalism, Bill Oddie no longer on Autumn Watch) and the dizzying realisation that the drop is much sharper and terrifying (runaway greenhouse effect, dissolution of the ozone layer, global famine, disease and the total breakdown of human infrastructure) than it looked in the queue (Fox News).

However I can confirm that following some fervent researching I can confirm that its not all bad;

  • Guardians of the Galaxy suggests that this will lead to Starhawk returning occasionally as a girl.
  • Killing those who wind you up – or just plain scare you – will become inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. Suck my baseball bat, comedy legend cameo!! (Zombieland)
  • Cities will be rebuilt to look like NeoTokyo allowing ample driving room for street gangs and for giant mutating abstract psychic baby morphs. Which will be entertaining to the locals. (Akira)
  • After a brief stint of alcoholism, a former Californian Senator will impale himself on a giant cross in the middle of a church leaving people to say he lost his battle with his inner demons. (End of Days)
  • According to James Cameron we will have Cyborgs blowing shit up on LA highways um… about twelve years ago. (T1, T2)
  • Roads will be free and easy to access, provided you carry a shotgun and your own fuel. And a scrawny mate with a helicopter. (Mad Max 2)
  • As with the fall of the Roman Empire there will be a period in which no one will write anything down allowing minorities not to be marginalised by literature.
  • In 600-700 years time the Vikings will return on boats made of Toyotas and steal the Isle of Wight. (London Bridge Experience)
  • Surfing will be much more impressive, through the streets of London, Paris, New York… (Authority, Flood!, The Day After Tomorrow)
  • Thanks to a very ambitious plan to build fake cities under the sea, Kevin Costner will become convinced there is no land and become lost in the mediterranean. Will Smith will also be on his own. (Waterworld, I am Legend)
  • People will live in shopping centres. (Dawn of the Dead)
  • We all get to be in The Sims and the Duracell Bunny at the same time. (Matrix Trilogy)
  • The world will probably look like the Lion King.
  • We will all be saved by Roland Emmerich. By boat. In the Himalayas.