The Solar System is Doomed and so are you

XKCD’s Randall Munroe’s piece on the utter futility of getting up in the morning (or indeed watching fatuous entertainment news shows) really gets into the guts of what it’s like in the endless velvet nothingness of existence. In a universe made almost entirely of the absence of something, punctuated with violent and cataclysmic birthing pools of giant Hydrogen atomic balls, firing deadly radiation everywhere and nuturing only a very tiny number of miniscule globules of detritus, all of which are unlikely to be able to sustain the absurdly specific requirements of our fragile and ultimately rapidly aging forms, frankly the end (while maybe not nigh) is bloody obvious.Best to simply shrug and resign your ancestors to the cold and lonely death in open space or the fiery annihaltion of a Supernova.

Remember: Between the sky and the ground and sea is our Fishbowl. We are the fish. Good luck out there people.

(Unless we redesign ourselves like the first Guardians of the Galaxy – that’d be awesome).

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Moon’s Alternative Olympics: Crazy Mishaps!!

7 years ago, in a moment of significant success that united the nation in a day of celebration, we beat the French to something they really wanted and secured the Olympics. When the streamers had fallen to the ground we realised we’d just signed up to the biggest economic, transportational, security and cultural nightmare in the world. Any city in the world would succeed in that time surely – however at the time we were still trying to finish Wembley – and that was half a decade late – the equivalent of deciding to redevelop your entire house having failed to finish the bathroom. However, undeterred by bombs, riots and the biggest recession to hit since the 30s, the proud… um… Polish and Australian contractors of London got the work done. To incredible results as seen in the mind blowing opening ceremony that even the most curmudgeonly Daily Mail reader had to concede was a success. Let it all begin – Jeremy Hunt – take it away….

Unabated, we rolled on – only to allow a GCSE student who picked history to be in charge of the Flag machine for the North Korea football match, showing them their greatest enemies flag instead of their own!! Nothing makes you want to watch an Olympics more than the impending potential of Nuclear War brought on by a work experience kid volunteering to press the flag button.

Then of course there was the opening ceremony in which a random volunteer opted to join the main procession and the Queen jumped out of a Helicopter (which put her in a really foul mood). 1200 Pigeons were incinerated in the all-consuming firework display launched at the end of the ceremony – though I can confirm you could see the fireworks on the underbelly of the imposing cloud cover that had descended on London after a divine week of sunshine.

One more for luck!!

Then of course there was Boris Johnson… trying to keep the party going. Trying to get himself down a zip line in Victoria park in front of a crowd of onlookers. His arrival at the end of the zip line delayed as he slid to an awkward halt. Like a baby polar bear covered in Union Jacks and an ill-fitting suit hanging from a washing line. There really is nothing more English…

In spite all of this and the absence of any discernable business for any major attractions in London because 1. They put on the biggest show in the world on 12 miles down the road and 2. They very clearly told everybody to stay at home in case the trains fell apart, it’s all going really well. This has abstractly caused many people to spend more time with their families and opened up loads of seat space on any London commute and we’re scoring some serious medals (read: beating the French). All things considered – so far it’s been a great Olympics!!

Star Wars: The Star Wars That I Used to Know Music Video

Everybody loves a bit of Gotye’s ‘Somebody I Used to Know’ but here’s an alternative that George Lucas might not want to pay attention to. This great spoof uses a blend of both films and music video and speaks for a good ol’ section of the adult population that remember the first time a Star Destroyer appeared chasing a Frontier Runner in 1977.

Star Wars: Crazy Images

It’s fair to say that Star Wars has pretty much conquered the internet and popular culture like an imperial cyber march. So much so that it’s beginning to draw in every other bit of popular culture and chewing on it. Sometimes it’s just self referential using gags that everyone gets. Sometimes it’s so thuggishly funny it has to be included (like the one below). Whatever you think – Star Wars is going nowhere. Avengers photo gags in thirty years? Who knows. It lacks the juicy soap opera of bother and sister having an unsuspecting kiss and gay robots so maybe it will never reach the heady heights that Lucas’ brain child enjoys. Never the less, here’s a selection for you…

The Fellowship of the Ring Sing Backstreet’s Back

 

If you’re looking for a hot tip in the “silliest thing you’ll see on the internet this week” stakes, look no further. Questionably animated versions of the Fellowship of the Ring, getting down with their bad selves to a Backstreet Boys classic? What better way to start the day. Aragorn’s expression and the dark lord’s mad dancing skills are enough to make even the glummest of men spit their coffee all over the keyboard…and before you ask, yes of course it’s from Japan.

This is what the internet was made for.

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Star Wars: Darth Vader Bagpipe Unicycle (no, really)

Ladies and gentlemen – I give you Brian Kidd, also otherwise known as the Unipiper of Portland. Here he’s doing a medley of Star Wars tunes while playing the part. There are very few things as automatically cheerful as watching a Lord of the Sith play bagpipes on a Unicycle. We here at BT always suspected as much – now here’s the proof.

The only thing better than what we see here is if he rides into the back of that parked car.

Star Wars: Return of the Farting Jedi

Yoda is a very old man / Brussel Sprout. In his years of solitude he has been eating a lot of Swamp Radish, even gained a cheerful taste for the stuff as it grows low making it easy for the old feller to get his hands on it. The force has to be reserved for pulling X-Wings out of bogs of course. But given his Sprout heritage it is perhaps unsurprising that the elder members of his species create increasingly large clouds of noxious gas prior to death. Being 600 years old he couldn’t give a rats ass.

The guy who posted this video is as mortified by it’s popularity as we are about finsing it funny. I defy you to watch it the whole way through without a childish snigger.

Carell is Lonely Again: Seeking a Friend for the End of the World Official Trailer

Carell goes small film with Seeking a Friend for the End of the World. If it turns out to be the last episode of the Office: An American Workplace I’ll be unhappy. That is all. Just wanted to show it to you.

This does not happen in the film.

Angry Birds Space, In Space!!

Newsflash! Angry Birds Space will be out on March 22nd. Don’t care? Fair enough. However, in case you were uncertain as to what might be special about the gameplay on this one Angry Bird’s have somehow involved a floating physicist (with a slight cold) in space. Yes, NASA’s Don Pettit from the International Space Station in orbit around the planet Earth is prepared to demonstrate to the kids how to wear socks in a weightless environment and how the new game will differ substantially from the current one by explaining orbital trajectories in space. Nice to see ’em trying out new stuff.

Considering that Angry Birds is effectively a game built on Team 17’s Random Map generating engine from Worms it’s nice to see their actually thinking about new physics engines to knock it all down. God knows they have enough money and time on their hands….

It’s now gonna use orbital trajectories instead of flat, old boring Earth based gravity sim. God help me I might actually get on it now. If it’s good enough for Space Ranger Don Pettit then it’s good enough for me. May his space flu clear up soon.

Darth Idiots

No fanbase is without it’s lunatic fringe and many would argue that the lunatic fringe starts pretty early among devout Star Wars fans. The coolest perhaps of the Sci-fi cult creators Star Wars is still without a doubt a generator of hilarious nonsense. This time we have a mumbling chubber, a genuinely cheering Trooper dance and Yoda / Ninja baby. These are the Darth Idiots – except the baby. That’s just a baby.

Darth Maul is a seething red and black ball of sadistic evil and malevolent Kung Fu kapowerry. Someone I can only describe as Seth Maul (above) is a mumbling Red and black bulb of silly.

Sometimes it can be said that you can over think things. In fact, the prequels can be pretty much ascribed to a chronic over think of what is a simple subject. Galactic politics and emotional teenage chatter or fighter battles and lost Jedi? Neither. A man in a muddy car boot sale thrusting his crutch to a silly song. Lucas was wrong both times.

Appearing here before – Yoda baby. Formerly Ninja baby. Hey ya!!