Star Wars ‘Call Me Maybe’

The Star Wars cast sings Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen. Obi wan (Old and Young) and a host of Skywalkers join Yoda and the Jedi for a quick rendition of an otherwise potentially forgettable pop tune. It even has a Mutilingual bit, who knew what Greedo was saying in the Cantina but it was certainly irritating enough for Han Solo to shoot first (answering a long standing question has to who started it).

It’s good that the dialogue from the love scenes in parts II and III have found a half decent. In the mean time, have to doff your cap to James Covenant fgor finding a new way to see the Star Wars movies – even in this slightly tacky way…

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Porkins Destroys the Death Star

After years of cruel suggestions that Jekk Porkins ‘Hindenburged’ into the Death Star while either 1) Eating Burger and Fries 2) Trying to open Cheetos or 3) Farting so badly he destroyed his own X-Wing from the inside have been swiftly dismissed with the discovery of this incredible piece of unseen footage. Pieced together from in-flight footage, battle records and accounts from previously silenced Red Wing pilots a picture of the true heroism and glory of Porkins at the legendary battle of Yavin. Having survived the battle, Porkin’s subsequently died of a massive heart attack at the Victory Party and it appears that Rebel Leaders decided Luke Skywalker should be made the public face of the success at Yavin. How different it all could’ve been…

Our own part in the public defamation of a true hero is something we shall always deeply regret. We hope that Porkin’s family and loved ones accept our sincere apologies (including Jabba).

Diary of a Bum Artist: 13.03.12 – Gallery of Discoveries

Sometimes you can’t just draw all day. Due to a change of arrangements I’m clearing space for me to move back into my old room (for the time being). Here’s some of the stuff I found over while clearing it all out… any claims I’m not a geek were always misplaced.


RIP Ralph McQuarrie: The man who showed us Star Wars

Ralph McQuarrie (1930-2012)

Ralph McQuarrie was the visionary artist who developed the look of one of the most easily recognisable moments in cinema history. Twin suns in the sky over Tatooine, A-wings sailing passed destroyed ATAT’s on the icy surface of Hoth. A young adventurer named Starkiller against an enemy named Darth Vader. All of these concepts had been brought to life long before a crew of hundreds started work on production of Star Wars. Lucas himself was quoted as saying ‘when I run out of ways to describe what I want – I point to Ralph’s work and say – like this.’

The Darth Vader suit was a combination of Samurai armour, Nazi uniform and gas mask. To stand in a room with it represents a real moment of awe. Combining aspects of mechanised war, machine, ancient warrior, vampire lord and dark magician – McQuarrie created an image of unsurpassed power and contained evil. His vision of Darth Vader, completed with the voice of James Earl Jones the most recognisable vision of evil and power in fictional popular culture in the 20th Century.



Anyone who loves the Millenium Falcon or Darth Vader should remember Ralph McQuarrie. King of concept artists – but much more than that – a man who brought dreams alive for an inexperienced director and ultimately the whole world. A true visionary.

Thank you Ralph McQuarrie. Dream maker.

To do the same thing again Lucas employs teams of visual artists for every scene. McQuarry did it effectively alone with one man’s ideas in his head.
The very definition of visionary.

Ralph McQuarrie (1930-2012)

Porkins: Can’t Hold It!!

Never in the field of conflict has the passing of one man been so subject to conspiracy theory and conjecture. As the rebel alliance battled to destroy the Empire’s deathstar above the rebel base on Yavin no one could have expected the great loss they were about to suffer. One of the greatest pilots in the history of the Alliance was shockingly lost in the opening moments of the conflict. Here, sadly, are his final moments…

…Porkins. We salute you. And you are really not ‘all right.’

The Lost Jedi: Master Govija Kaoli

Jedi Master Govija Kaoli (Jack Gavin) is a whip crack smart tactician who always gets every body killed. Always put at the sharp end because of his calm exterior, Govija Kaoli has only one true Achilles heel. His Padawan Mooba Choobi. Having been assigned an idiot nephew to the successful Hooba Choobi, Govija finds his path immeasurably blocked by the affable buffoon. Govija is a kind hearted warrior with almost immeasurable patience and a wry view of the universe but even he is uncertain whether his strong Jedi intuition and piloting abilities will help him survive alongside such an incredible idiot.

Jack Gavin doing a pose

Lost Jedi: The Kashyyk Contingent

Sent to Kashyyk to handle ground assaults, evacuation and supply lines on the far side of the planet, this small contingent of Jedi find themselves caught in a struggle to secure the safe passage of fleeing Wookies, refusal from Wookie councils to move off planet, the rapidly advancing separatist forces, the Clone army who have now turned on them and an attempt to protect and evacuate the Jedi Order’s most valued Master in Yoda.

Jedi Commander Ja Himan


Ja Himan (Himanshu Ojha) is a showman. A lunatic with a lightsabre he favours displays of viruosity and skill at times above the final result. He is effectively a swordsman of old. Preferring the parry and the thrust of one on one conflict, he will take on a tank as if a single opponent. On the whole he wins and his displays demoralise most opposition but his need to include danger can at times imperil his associates, something the extraction team that remains after Order 66 express regularly. However, he is almost always a great leader and a great source of morale for demoralised troops. A true friend to most Jedi, Ja Himan is an honest and true Jedi with only the best intentions. Brave and bold, it is his task to lead what is left of the Jedi on Kashyyk to an extraction point on the far side of the planet.

Frustrated Jedi Padawan Om Dom Chavi


Om Dom Chavi believes himself to be worthy of Knighthood. However, he believed this on day one of his training. Yoda despairs in his training as his focus on the far future limits his capacity to improve in the present. Never the less, Om Dom Chavi fights bravely when called upon – however can be relied upon to moan almost constantly throughout the process.

Jedi Knight Corin Darklighter


Corin Darklighter is distant Uncle to the famed X-Wing Pilot of Yavin. A capable and solemn Jedi Knight, he is at once quiet and thoughtful and aware of much that lies around him. An observant character he is subject to distraction. Something that has kept him from becoming a fully fledged master. He is prone to self doubt but always comes through when the need is greatest. He is more pacifist than many Jedi Knights, preferring to find a peaceful solution. This proves of great help during the negotiations with local Wookie leaders regarding evacuation.

Jedi Padawan Ruba Knightro


Jedi Knight Ruba Knightro is a passive, romantic figure. Softly spoken but ferocious in battle, his slight frame belies a manic fighter. At times subject to bouts of loss and grief, Ruba has to overcome more in the jungle than his immediate adversaries. However, when he is settled in himself he is the cheeriest and light heartedest of the group, enjoying the sights and sounds and experiences that Kashyyk offers between battles.

Rowrra the Beater. A giant Wookie (even by Wookie standards) Rowrra is made guide to the Jedi through the backwaters of Kashyyk. Responsible for the safety of his group, Rowrra is beligerent and difficult at almost all times but a ferocious warrior and capable tracker and navigator.

Star Wars Zone: The Darth Vader Sessions

Torn by good & evil and an incestuous love affair, a lonely and depraved Darth Vader has a nervous breakdown. It was created entirely by using the true voice of Vader, Mr. James Earl Jones HIMSELF!

Watch it love it live it! Spread the word… (the actual words Akjak – creator of this piece of comedy sith genius).